Camera Vs. Wild

Our darling daughter made a command decision last week. She was tired of hearing her parents complain about the family camera. "The flash is rubbish," "The pictures always come out pixelated," "It turns everything blue..." So, she took matters into her own hands. I found the camera on the bathroom floor. No one knows how it came to be there, and Mae, who has a very limited vocabulary, has not disclosed any details of her uncanny act. But this we know: somehow, she was able to get the camera out of its case, off of a very high shelf, drag it into the bathroom, install a very long crack down the middle of the screen, and arrange the possession of the camera by demons... or water. When you turn the camera on now, the lense, of its own accord, zooms in, and then out, and then in, and then out, about four times, and then closes, and a little message displays on the screen that says "Please turn camera off, and then on again." And if you follow these instructions, you enjoy a repeat performance. And yes, while we indeed hated our camera, it was better than a finger in the eye. And Mae's timing was quit bad, because now we have no visual evidence that she has started to walk, and has had her first camping trip, where she tore open her first birthday presents by campfire light, and then squealed with delight as her pyromaniac cousins Avery and Parker tossed the wrapping paper and ribbon into the flames with vigor. We have no way to express how truly filthy she became over the weekend, stumbling about in the dirt and rocks of the Uinta Mountains, or how happy she was to eat dirt for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have no visual reminder of how attractive a husband is when he is fishing, or chopping wood, or plugging the daylights out of beer bottles from no trivial distance with a .44, or how excellent he looks with a few days of facial hair. The one relief to all of you, is that there is also no evidence of how truly unburdened I was over the weekend by social customs, such as showering, tooth brushing, leg shaving, or even clothing changing. I really embraced mother nature, out there in the wild, and I'm glad none of you have to see that side of me. It is my one solace for having no camera over Memorial Day weekend.