Ah, election season. Warm greetings in your mailbox, a cup of hot cocoa or wassail shared with a friend, rosy cheeked children singing carols of hope in the street. Wait a doggon second! Wrong season, right? Actually no. Not if you elect "write-in" candidate Howard Stone for Provo City Council! Let me share a few favorite selections from his flier. (Please note that the quotation marks and the bolding are "Not" added, but appear in the original document)
Hello, I'm Howard Stone. I'm really no one of "Consequence," but an average citizen just like you... In an act of "Faith" I've made myself available to "Work" for "Our Community"...we are not communicating. I think we feel "Divided and Conquered"...We must make our community a "Refuge" We must not let attitudes of "Apathy" and "Complacency" overwhelm us. I believe "Service" should not be undertaken for fame or notoriety. but as a "Stewardship" not to be taken lightly or "Trifled" with... I'm "Willing" to do this work us all... "Together" we will not "Fail".
End quote. Only one "Thing" could make this "Quote" more "Enjoyable" to... sorry. Only one thing could make this quote more enjoyable to read. Get your fingers involved with the quotation marks. Seriously. Try it. Its hilarious. While investigating which candidate to vote for, I perused Howard Stone's website, I couldn't find a blessed idea the man had concerning Provo, or its future, but I was personally invited to come share a cup of cocoa or wassail with Howard and the wifey. While driving to the elementary school to cast my vote, I passed the man himself under a big canopy, electric heaters blazing, water coolers filled with hot water for your choice of beverage, and a gaggle of little girls singing patriotic songs.
But, I voted for Sherrie Hall Everett. Stone had too much "Fluff" and not enough "Stuff". Advice to City Council hopefuls everywhere: If you want to win, you've got to talk about the issues. And if Flight of the Conchords would run, they'd have my vote.
